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In Condoms We Trust: Jane Fonda Rides to the Rescue

America is under attack, she warns, and only an all-out effort will save the Republic. Like a modern-day Paul Revere, Jane Fonda is sounding the alarm and calling patriots to action.

The threat? This time it isn’t the British army, but new government-funded programs of abstinence-based sex education which threaten national security. Jane Fonda is ready to ride to the rescue, awakening Americans to the peril of the hour and re-establishing our national trust in condoms.

The cause of her concern is the availability of new federal funds for states which promote abstinence-based sex education programs. Given her outrage, one might think that Congress had authorized the states to reinstate slavery. “Most Americans don’t know their tax money is being used for that,” Miss Fonda claims, and “most Americans don’t want it.”

In response, Fonda and Durex Consumer Products-the worlds largest condom marketer-have teamed up to put a stop to this movement which threatens the well-being of America’s children. Through their “Truth for Youth” program, Durex and Lady Jane will wage war against the abstinence movement. Why? Because Jane says that “Abstinence until marriage is based on an unreal world that isn’t out there.”

Of course, it is Jane Fonda and the Hollywood elite who live in an unreal world. America’s parents have spoken loudly and demanded that their children be protected and educated-not enticed into the promiscuous and lusty world of the media mavens. Congress responded to this surge of parental concern by granting $50 million a year for abstinence-until-marriage sex education programs.

Jane Fonda is a bizarre character to launch a moral crusade. Americans will never forget the sight of her smiling as she sat in a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft gun emplacement, knowing that those guns were to be aimed at American planes and airmen. Earning the name “Hanoi Jane,” she visited the POW camps where Americans were imprisoned and tortured, and participated in Viet Cong propaganda films.

Her film career included roles as a sex kitten in “Barbarella” and a repressed woman who comes to feminist consciousness in “9 to 5.” She is one of the most vocal members of the Hollywood elite, and she has championed virtually every liberal cause of the past thirty years. Now, she wants you to know, she has only your children’s best interests at heart.

The good people at Durex are also concerned. As Miss Fonda explains, “They decided to launch a campaign, Durex did, to say to parents in particular and to all American adults, ‘If you believe . . . that you have to give children the truth about staying safe and not getting pregnant, check what’s happening in your school.’” Durex wants to make certain your children are not being told to stay abstinent until marriage.

Marketing condoms under popular brand names like Sheik, Ramses, and Avanti, Durex doesn’t mention its obvious financial stake in the matter, nor will it disclose if Miss Fonda is being paid as their spokesperson. In their history of the condom-found on their corporate web site-the development of vulcanized rubber and latex is presented as if these saved the human race from extinction.

The so-called “Safe Sex” campaigns have been a gold mine for condom manufacturers, and nothing poses a greater threat to their corporate profits than a cultural movement which would return this nation to sexual sanity. But the cultural elite, committed to unconditional liberation from any traditional sexual morality, knows only one moral commandment: Have sex anyway you like, with whomever you like, wherever you like, whenever you like, but always use a condom!

This is the Golden Rule of America’s new sexual morality. As family life educator Richard A. Panzer explains, “guilt about ‘doing it’ (having sex) has been replaced by guilt about not ‘using it’ (condoms).” The only sex education programs acceptable to the liberal elites are those which free young people from old-fashioned ideas like abstinence until marriage, and instead push teenagers into sexual experimentation, mutual “pleasuring,” and premarital sexual intercourse.

America’s official motto, “In God We Trust,” has become a mockery. All these sexperts trust is a thin latex sheath, used according to directions, of course. The condom has become America’s moral symbol, and our shame.

In Miss Fonda’s world, any suggestion that America’s youth should be taught to refrain from sex until marriage is “unreal” and unacceptable. Miss Fonda and her husband, global tycoon Ted Turner, own an 11,000 acre ranch at the base of the Andes in Argentina. She was recently quoted as saying, “I sometimes dream that there’s a revolution in the United States and that we can’t return and have to live here forever.” If America’s parents ever wake up, Miss Fonda’s dream just might come true.